Too often people ignore the signs that they may be experiencing burnout. They’ll often label their symptoms as just being stressed.

As a psychologist in Coquitlam, I have many clients come in wondering whether they are dealing with temporary stress or something deeper. 

They often feel overwhelmed, mentally exhausted, or stretched too thin. Usually, they’ve tried a few things on their own to reduce stress, but find it continues to persist or even feels like it’s getting worse.

The difference between stress and burnout isn’t always obvious, partly because some of the symptoms can feel similar. However, the two are connected, as burnout is the result of prolonged, unrelieved stress.

So let’s take a closer look at both stress and burnout, how they show up, and what can actually help you begin to recover.

What Is Stress?

Stress is your mind and body’s natural response to pressure, demand, or perceived threat. In some situations, stress can be helpful. It can increase focus, motivate action, and help you meet responsibilities. However, it can lead to more challenges when the stress is persistent and your nervous system stays in a more activated state for longer periods of time.

Stress often feels like there is too much for you to manage and not enough time or capacity to deal with it.

For some people, stress builds from ongoing responsibilities like work, caregiving, or finances. For others, it may come from relationship challenges, major life changes, or health concerns. Sometimes, it’s not just one thing, but a buildup of many smaller stressors over time.

Over time, carrying this kind of pressure can start to take a toll on both your mind and your body.

How Do You Know If You’re Stressed?

Some common signs that you are dealing with stress are:

• Feeling mentally “on” all the time
• Racing thoughts or difficulty relaxing
• Irritability or snapping more easily at loved ones
• Physical tension such as tight shoulders, jaw, or headaches
• Trouble falling or staying asleep
• Feeling like you can never get ahead or find a solution

What Is Burnout?

Burnout is a deeper state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion that develops when stress continues over time without enough recovery, support, or space to reset.

Over time, what once felt like too much pressure can shift into depletion. In other words, feeling overwhelmed can turn into feeling like you have nothing left to give.

In the body, this often shows up as ongoing fatigue and low energy. Even with rest, you may still feel tired, have difficulty concentrating, or find it harder to stay motivated and engaged in daily tasks.

Burnout is commonly associated with the workplace, especially in high-demand or high-responsibility roles like working in Healthcare. 

However, it is not limited to work. It can also develop in caregiving roles, parenting, relationship stress, or any situation where demands consistently outweigh the time and space available to recover.

How Do You Know If You’re Burnt Out?

You may be burnt out if you feel:

• Constant exhaustion or fatigue
• Emotional numbness or disconnection
• Loss of motivation and ability to stay focused
• Cynicism, resentment, or feeling numb
• Withdrawing from responsibilities or relationships
• A sense that you no longer feel like yourself

How Stress Turns Into Burnout

Stress doesn’t usually turn into burnout suddenly. It tends to happen gradually.

At first, you may feel busy, under pressure, or stretched thin, but still able to keep up. You push through, get things done, and tell yourself things will settle down soon.

But when that pressure continues without enough time to recover, something starts to shift.

Instead of feeling overwhelmed but still able to manage your daily tasks, you may begin to feel more tired, less motivated, and start to disengage. Even getting through work or completing simple day-to-day tasks can begin to feel more difficult.

This shift can be easy to miss, especially if you’re used to pushing through or taking on a lot. What once felt like a temporary period of stress or overwhelm can slowly become something more persistent.

No matter how long stress has been present for you, it’s important to address it early rather than allowing it to persist.

How to Reduce Stress and Prevent Burnout

When stress is ongoing, small and consistent changes can help reduce the load and prevent it from building into burnout. This doesn’t require a complete overhaul. Often, it starts with a few intentional shifts.

Some helpful starting points include:

• Setting clearer boundaries: limiting work outside of your scheduled hours or saying no when you’re already at capacity.

• Reducing your overall responsibilities: Delegate tasks to others or begin to eliminate extra responsibilities whenever possible.

• Practice self-care: prioritize getting enough sleep, eating regular nourishing meals, and incorporating intentional physical movement into your daily routine.

• Staying connected to your support system: talk about your daily stresses with someone you trust so you’re not holding it all inside.

These strategies can help, especially as preventative measures. 

However, when stress continues to build and feels unmanageable or even begins to shift into burnout, it may be a sign that additional support is needed.

When to Seek Therapy in Coquitlam

You do not have to wait until you are fully burnt out to seek support. 

It may be time to consider therapy if stress is affecting your sleep, mood, or relationships, if you feel stuck in patterns you cannot shift, or if you are experiencing signs of burnout such as exhaustion, numbness, or disengagement.

In my therapy practice in Coquitlam, I take a brain-wise, body-informed approach to therapy. This means we work with both your thought patterns and your nervous system responses.

Through a safe and attuned therapeutic relationship, we use co-regulation to help your nervous system begin to settle. From there, you can learn to regulate stress responses, shift out of shutdown or low-motivation states, and build a more stable sense of resilience and emotional flexibility.

I integrate approaches such as Somatic Experiencing and Self-Regulation Therapy to support the nervous system, along with Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy to help identify and shift unhelpful thought patterns. You can learn more about my therapeutic approach here.

There Is a Way Through Stress and Burnout 

When stress continues or begins to shift into burnout, it can become harder to manage on your own. Over time, it’s not just about reducing symptoms, but understanding what your mind and body have been carrying and creating the conditions for real healing.

Through therapy, you have the opportunity to slow things down and work through what’s been building beneath the surface.

If you’re ready for support, you can reach out today to book an initial consultation and learn more about working together.

There isn’t always a clear moment when someone decides to start therapy.

Sometimes the signs are obvious like the loss of a loved one or a very traumatic event. Other times, it is less clear.

But it usually begins with questioning if what you’re feeling is just a normal temporary life struggle or if you need to seek therapy.

You may still be managing your day-to-day life. Showing up to work, taking care of responsibilities, but internally, something feels harder than it used to.

Here are some of the common signs it may be time to seek therapy that I see in my Coquitlam practice.

1. When your mind doesn’t give you a break

Even when things are relatively calm, your thoughts keep going. You feel like you are always overthinking and aren’t sure how to slow the thoughts down.

You replay conversations. 

You second-guess decisions. 

You jump ahead to what could go wrong. 

There is rarely a time when you are living in the present moment. There are either thoughts from the past or the future looping in your mind.

This often reflects both learned thinking patterns from past experiences or trauma and a nervous system that is having difficulty settling.

2. When your reactions feel bigger than the moment

Maybe you’ve noticed that you feel more triggered or overwhelmed by even small stressors than you used to.

And once you are activated, you feel like it takes a lot longer for you to calm back down. Which leaves you feeling constantly on edge.

Some may see this as “overreacting,” but it is actually your nervous system that has adapted to living in a fight-or-flight state, often due to repeated past high stress situations.

3. When things start to feel numb or disconnected

Not everything feels intense. Sometimes it is the opposite.

You might be feeling:

• Low energy or low motivation
• You don’t enjoy the things you used to as much
• you feel like you are just going through the motions in your day-to-day life without much presence

Feeling numb or disconnected can sometimes be associated with depression, but it can also reflect a nervous system that has shifted into a protective, low-energy state after ongoing stress, grief or trauma. This feeling can also be known as burnout.

4. When relationship patterns keep repeating

You may notice the same patterns showing up across different relationships.

For example:

• holding things in, then feeling resentful
• difficulty expressing your needs or setting boundaries
• pulling away when things feel uncomfortable
• feeling misunderstood by your partner
• getting caught up in the same types of relationships and emotional cycles

These patterns are often shaped by unresolved past experiences and how your system responds to stress, connection, and conflict. Over time, you wonder why the same relationship patterns keep repeating even when you want something different.

5. When self-awareness is not leading to change

Many people I work with are already very self-aware.

They can see their own patterns clearly. They know when they are overthinking or reacting in ways that do not feel helpful.

But despite that awareness, the patterns do not shift.

This is often where therapy becomes useful. It’s not just understanding the struggles at the cognitive level it’s also addressing it at the nervous system level.

Awareness is only one piece of the healing puzzle.

6. When life changes feel harder than expected

Life transitions can affect us more than we anticipate.

We often expect major losses like grief or divorce to be difficult, but even positive changes like a new job, a move, or a new relationship can disrupt your sense of stability.

You may notice:

• increased stress or anxiety
• difficulty adjusting to new routines
• feeling unsettled without a clear reason

Your mind and nervous system both take time to adjust to change. When something feels unfamiliar or uncertain, your system can interpret it as danger, even if the change is positive. 

If the stress feels ongoing or difficult to settle on your own that’s when it may be helpful to seek support.

7. When you feel lost or unsure about your direction

Sometimes the struggle is not just about stress or symptoms. It is a deeper sense of feeling off track or lost in life.

You may find yourself questioning:

• what you are doing with your life
• whether your choices feel aligned with who you are
• what your next step should be

There can be a sense of confusion, lack of clarity, or feeling disconnected from what feels meaningful.

These experiences often come up during periods of change or after moving through anxiety, stress, or low mood. As things begin to settle, deeper questions can surface about identity, purpose, and direction.

How I Approach Therapy in my Coquitlam practice

I use what I call a brain-wise, body-informed approach.

This means I look at both your thought patterns and your nervous system responses. Lasting change often involves both.

I integrate:

• Somatic Experiencing (SE) and Self-Regulation Therapy (SRT) to support the nervous system and help release stored stress patterns
• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to identify and shift unhelpful or self-defeating thoughts
• A co-regulated therapeutic relationship, where safety and connection support emotional balance and change
• When relevant, elements of spiritual development to support deeper exploration of meaning, purpose, and self-understanding

No two people experience stress, anxiety, or life challenges in the same way. I tailor my approach to your specific situation rather than applying a fixed method.

My goal is to help you understand your patterns, support your nervous system, so you can navigate life’s challenges with greater ease, energy, and emotional balance.

A Supportive Next Step

If some of these signs it may be time to seek therapy are hitting home, you don’t have to wait until things feel overwhelming.

Whether you are navigating anxiety, moving through grief, or feeling uncertain about your direction and sense of purpose, you do not have to figure it out on your own.

I offer in person therapy in Coquitlam and virtual sessions across British Columbia, and I am here to meet you exactly where you are at.

If you are ready, you can book a free consultation and we can explore what the next step looks like for you.

You finally have a moment to sit down. 

Nothing urgent on the to-do list. No distractions. 

It’s the perfect time for some self-care activities like doing some deep breathing exercises or just enjoying some quiet time.

However, as it usually goes for you, instead of feeling calm, your body tightens. Your mind races. And now you’re asking yourself: “Why do I feel anxious when I try to relax?”

This is often described as relaxation-induced anxiety. 

It’s the ironic experience of feeling more stress and overwhelmed when you are purposefully trying to feel the opposite. 

As a psychologist in Coquitlam, I see this pattern more often than most people expect. Let’s look at why this happens and how to begin to heal from it.

Why Relaxation Can Make Anxiety Feel Worse

When anxiety increases during rest, it usually reflects how your nervous system has learned to operate. There are a number of reasons this can occur but here are some of the common ones:

Your system is used to being “on”

If your baseline has been constant thinking, planning, or staying alert, your body adapts to that state. Slowing down can feel unfamiliar, and unfamiliar feels uncomfortable.

Your attention shifts inward

Relaxation brings awareness to physical sensations like your heartbeat, breathing, or tension. When anxiety is already present, that internal focus can quickly feel intense or uncomfortable.

Unprocessed stress or trauma can surface

When there is less distraction, your system has more space to register what has been pushed aside. For individuals with a history of anxiety or trauma, stillness can bring up sensations, emotions, or memories that were previously in the background.

Guilt associated with not being more productive

For some people, slowing down isn’t just uncomfortable, it feels wrong. Thoughts like “I should be doing more” or “I haven’t done enough to deserve this break” can create a layer of tension that makes it hard to settle. Instead of rest, the mind shifts back into pressure and self-criticism.

How to Work With Your Nervous System

Instead of trying to force relaxation, a more effective approach is to meet your system where it is. 

Some ways to begin:

• Start with movement-based regulation, such as walking, stretching, or being outside, instead of jumping straight into stillness.
• Keep the window of rest short. Even one or two minutes of slowing down can begin to build tolerance without overwhelming your system.
• Shift your focus outward. Paying attention to your surroundings or a physical object can feel more stable than focusing inward right away.

Over time, your system can begin to experience calm as something familiar, rather than something it needs to react to.

When There’s More Beneath the Surface

When relaxation-induced anxiety continues to show up, it can point to underlying patterns that haven’t been fully processed, where the body remains organized around tension, vigilance, or control, even when there is no immediate threat.

In these cases, the reaction to relaxation isn’t something that resolves with more practice or better techniques. The response is coming from a deeper level of conditioning that the body continues to default to.

This is why it can feel like you understand what’s happening, you try to approach it differently, and yet the same reaction keeps returning.

Working through this requires more than adjusting behaviour in the moment. It involves addressing the underlying patterns directly, so the body no longer needs to respond in the same way.

How Therapy Can Help

In my work as a therapist in Coquitlam, I use a brain-wise, body-informed approach to help clients understand why anxiety shows up in moments that are supposed to feel calm.

Together, we look at what may be underneath these reactions, including patterns shaped by ongoing stress, anxiety, or past experiences and trauma that are still influencing how your body responds.

From there, the focus shifts toward working with those patterns directly, rather than trying to override them in the moment.

This means helping your body gradually process what hasn’t been fully worked through, so the same reactions don’t keep getting triggered when you try to slow down.

Within a safe therapeutic relationship, your nervous system has the opportunity to experience calm in a way that feels steady and supported.

If you’d like to learn more about how I approach this work, you can visit my therapy approach page here.

A Different Way to Understand What You’re Feeling

Feeling anxious when you try to relax can be confusing, especially when it seems like something that’s supposed to help is making things worse.

But this response isn’t random.

In many cases, it reflects patterns that have developed over time, where slowing down allows your body and mind to register things that haven’t been fully processed.

With the right approach, and the right support when needed, relaxation doesn’t have to feel uncomfortable or out of reach. It can become something your body gradually learns to enjoy again.