There isn’t always a clear moment when someone decides to start therapy.

Sometimes the signs are obvious like the loss of a loved one or a very traumatic event. Other times, it is less clear.

But it usually begins with questioning if what you’re feeling is just a normal temporary life struggle or if you need to seek therapy.

You may still be managing your day-to-day life. Showing up to work, taking care of responsibilities, but internally, something feels harder than it used to.

Here are some of the common signs it may be time to seek therapy that I see in my Coquitlam practice.

1. When your mind doesn’t give you a break

Even when things are relatively calm, your thoughts keep going. You feel like you are always overthinking and aren’t sure how to slow the thoughts down.

You replay conversations. 

You second-guess decisions. 

You jump ahead to what could go wrong. 

There is rarely a time when you are living in the present moment. There are either thoughts from the past or the future looping in your mind.

This often reflects both learned thinking patterns from past experiences or trauma and a nervous system that is having difficulty settling.

2. When your reactions feel bigger than the moment

Maybe you’ve noticed that you feel more triggered or overwhelmed by even small stressors than you used to.

And once you are activated, you feel like it takes a lot longer for you to calm back down. Which leaves you feeling constantly on edge.

Some may see this as “overreacting,” but it is actually your nervous system that has adapted to living in a fight-or-flight state, often due to repeated past high stress situations.

3. When things start to feel numb or disconnected

Not everything feels intense. Sometimes it is the opposite.

You might be feeling:

• Low energy or low motivation
• You don’t enjoy the things you used to as much
• you feel like you are just going through the motions in your day-to-day life without much presence

Feeling numb or disconnected can sometimes be associated with depression, but it can also reflect a nervous system that has shifted into a protective, low-energy state after ongoing stress, grief or trauma. This feeling can also be known as burnout.

4. When relationship patterns keep repeating

You may notice the same patterns showing up across different relationships.

For example:

• holding things in, then feeling resentful
• difficulty expressing your needs or setting boundaries
• pulling away when things feel uncomfortable
• feeling misunderstood by your partner
• getting caught up in the same types of relationships and emotional cycles

These patterns are often shaped by unresolved past experiences and how your system responds to stress, connection, and conflict. Over time, you wonder why the same relationship patterns keep repeating even when you want something different.

5. When self-awareness is not leading to change

Many people I work with are already very self-aware.

They can see their own patterns clearly. They know when they are overthinking or reacting in ways that do not feel helpful.

But despite that awareness, the patterns do not shift.

This is often where therapy becomes useful. It’s not just understanding the struggles at the cognitive level it’s also addressing it at the nervous system level.

Awareness is only one piece of the healing puzzle.

6. When life changes feel harder than expected

Life transitions can affect us more than we anticipate.

We often expect major losses like grief or divorce to be difficult, but even positive changes like a new job, a move, or a new relationship can disrupt your sense of stability.

You may notice:

• increased stress or anxiety
• difficulty adjusting to new routines
• feeling unsettled without a clear reason

Your mind and nervous system both take time to adjust to change. When something feels unfamiliar or uncertain, your system can interpret it as danger, even if the change is positive. 

If the stress feels ongoing or difficult to settle on your own that’s when it may be helpful to seek support.

7. When you feel lost or unsure about your direction

Sometimes the struggle is not just about stress or symptoms. It is a deeper sense of feeling off track or lost in life.

You may find yourself questioning:

• what you are doing with your life
• whether your choices feel aligned with who you are
• what your next step should be

There can be a sense of confusion, lack of clarity, or feeling disconnected from what feels meaningful.

These experiences often come up during periods of change or after moving through anxiety, stress, or low mood. As things begin to settle, deeper questions can surface about identity, purpose, and direction.

How I Approach Therapy in my Coquitlam practice

I use what I call a brain-wise, body-informed approach.

This means I look at both your thought patterns and your nervous system responses. Lasting change often involves both.

I integrate:

• Somatic Experiencing (SE) and Self-Regulation Therapy (SRT) to support the nervous system and help release stored stress patterns
• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to identify and shift unhelpful or self-defeating thoughts
• A co-regulated therapeutic relationship, where safety and connection support emotional balance and change
• When relevant, elements of spiritual development to support deeper exploration of meaning, purpose, and self-understanding

No two people experience stress, anxiety, or life challenges in the same way. I tailor my approach to your specific situation rather than applying a fixed method.

My goal is to help you understand your patterns, support your nervous system, so you can navigate life’s challenges with greater ease, energy, and emotional balance.

A Supportive Next Step

If some of these signs it may be time to seek therapy are hitting home, you don’t have to wait until things feel overwhelming.

Whether you are navigating anxiety, moving through grief, or feeling uncertain about your direction and sense of purpose, you do not have to figure it out on your own.

I offer in person therapy in Coquitlam and virtual sessions across British Columbia, and I am here to meet you exactly where you are at.

If you are ready, you can book a free consultation and we can explore what the next step looks like for you.

You finally have a moment to sit down. 

Nothing urgent on the to-do list. No distractions. 

It’s the perfect time for some self-care activities like doing some deep breathing exercises or just enjoying some quiet time.

However, as it usually goes for you, instead of feeling calm, your body tightens. Your mind races. And now you’re asking yourself: “Why do I feel anxious when I try to relax?”

This is often described as relaxation-induced anxiety. 

It’s the ironic experience of feeling more stress and overwhelmed when you are purposefully trying to feel the opposite. 

As a psychologist in Coquitlam, I see this pattern more often than most people expect. Let’s look at why this happens and how to begin to heal from it.

Why Relaxation Can Make Anxiety Feel Worse

When anxiety increases during rest, it usually reflects how your nervous system has learned to operate. There are a number of reasons this can occur but here are some of the common ones:

Your system is used to being “on”

If your baseline has been constant thinking, planning, or staying alert, your body adapts to that state. Slowing down can feel unfamiliar, and unfamiliar feels uncomfortable.

Your attention shifts inward

Relaxation brings awareness to physical sensations like your heartbeat, breathing, or tension. When anxiety is already present, that internal focus can quickly feel intense or uncomfortable.

Unprocessed stress or trauma can surface

When there is less distraction, your system has more space to register what has been pushed aside. For individuals with a history of anxiety or trauma, stillness can bring up sensations, emotions, or memories that were previously in the background.

Guilt associated with not being more productive

For some people, slowing down isn’t just uncomfortable, it feels wrong. Thoughts like “I should be doing more” or “I haven’t done enough to deserve this break” can create a layer of tension that makes it hard to settle. Instead of rest, the mind shifts back into pressure and self-criticism.

How to Work With Your Nervous System

Instead of trying to force relaxation, a more effective approach is to meet your system where it is. 

Some ways to begin:

• Start with movement-based regulation, such as walking, stretching, or being outside, instead of jumping straight into stillness.
• Keep the window of rest short. Even one or two minutes of slowing down can begin to build tolerance without overwhelming your system.
• Shift your focus outward. Paying attention to your surroundings or a physical object can feel more stable than focusing inward right away.

Over time, your system can begin to experience calm as something familiar, rather than something it needs to react to.

When There’s More Beneath the Surface

When relaxation-induced anxiety continues to show up, it can point to underlying patterns that haven’t been fully processed, where the body remains organized around tension, vigilance, or control, even when there is no immediate threat.

In these cases, the reaction to relaxation isn’t something that resolves with more practice or better techniques. The response is coming from a deeper level of conditioning that the body continues to default to.

This is why it can feel like you understand what’s happening, you try to approach it differently, and yet the same reaction keeps returning.

Working through this requires more than adjusting behaviour in the moment. It involves addressing the underlying patterns directly, so the body no longer needs to respond in the same way.

How Therapy Can Help

In my work as a therapist in Coquitlam, I use a brain-wise, body-informed approach to help clients understand why anxiety shows up in moments that are supposed to feel calm.

Together, we look at what may be underneath these reactions, including patterns shaped by ongoing stress, anxiety, or past experiences and trauma that are still influencing how your body responds.

From there, the focus shifts toward working with those patterns directly, rather than trying to override them in the moment.

This means helping your body gradually process what hasn’t been fully worked through, so the same reactions don’t keep getting triggered when you try to slow down.

Within a safe therapeutic relationship, your nervous system has the opportunity to experience calm in a way that feels steady and supported.

If you’d like to learn more about how I approach this work, you can visit my therapy approach page here.

A Different Way to Understand What You’re Feeling

Feeling anxious when you try to relax can be confusing, especially when it seems like something that’s supposed to help is making things worse.

But this response isn’t random.

In many cases, it reflects patterns that have developed over time, where slowing down allows your body and mind to register things that haven’t been fully processed.

With the right approach, and the right support when needed, relaxation doesn’t have to feel uncomfortable or out of reach. It can become something your body gradually learns to enjoy again.

If you are reading this right now then you likely keep finding yourself replaying conversations, second-guessing every decision, or feeling mentally “stuck” in a loop of endless thoughts over past situations.

Many people end up asking themselves this question: “Why do I overthink everything so much?”

As a Coquitlam psychologist, this is a question I hear often from my clients.

While it can feel frustrating or even exhausting, overthinking isn’t a flaw in your personality. It’s often a protective pattern shaped by both your mind and nervous system, and can develop through past experiences, anxiety, trauma, or times when thinking things through felt like the best way to stay in control.

What Overthinking Actually Is

Overthinking is often described as excessive worrying or analyzing, but there is a lot more going on beneath the surface.

At a deeper level, overthinking is a pattern where the mind attempts to create certainty in situations that feel uncertain, emotionally charged, or potentially dangerous. 

It’s not just you “thinking too much,” but a way of mental problem-solving that has become over-extended for a variety of reasons.

Often, the thinking is an attempt to make sense of a past or future experience that hasn’t been fully processed yet.

How Overthinking Shows Up in Daily Life

Overthinking can start out feeling subtle but then it often shifts to feeling persistent and mentally exhausting.

You might notice yourself:

• Replaying conversations or situations long after they’ve ended
• Having difficulties with making decisions, even small ones
• Mentally preparing for multiple outcomes at once
• Feeling responsible for how others perceive you and wanting to change that
• Trouble being present, even during calm moments

There can also be a disconnect between what you know logically and what you feel internally. Even when something seems manageable, your body may still feel tense or unsettled.

Why Your Mind Gets Stuck in Overthinking

Overthinking often begins at the mind level.

From a psychological perspective, it can be linked to deeper, often unconscious beliefs such as:

• “If I think it through enough, I can prevent something from going wrong”
• “If I don’t figure this out, something bad could happen like last time”
• “If I don’t think everything through, something could go wrong”
• “If I make a mistake or fail then people will be disappointed in me”

These patterns tend to form through earlier experiences where being careful, aware, or emotionally attuned felt necessary – including moments that felt unpredictable, overwhelming, or unsafe. 

In those situations, thinking things through may have been one of the ways your system tried to anticipate risk and stay in control.

Over time, the mind learns that thinking more equals being safer or more prepared. It starts to rely on analysis as a way to manage uncertainty, reduce risk, and create a sense of control.

However, because many situations in life don’t have perfect answers or complete certainty, the mind never fully reaches a sense of resolution. This is where the endless looping begins.

How the Nervous System Reinforces the Loop

Alongside these cognitive patterns, the nervous system plays a key role in maintaining overthinking.

When your brain perceives uncertainty or potential risk, it can activate the sympathetic nervous system – the part of the autonomic nervous system responsible for the fight-or-flight response during stress or perceived danger. 

Some symptoms of the sympathetic nervous system activation include:

• Muscle tension (especially in the jaw, shoulders, and chest)
• Faster or shallow breathing
• A sense of urgency or internal pressure
• Difficulty settling or relaxing

These physical signals communicate to the brain that something needs to be resolved.

The mind responds by trying to think things through in an effort to reduce that internal tension. 

However, this thinking keeps the system engaged rather than calming it.

Over time, the mind and body begin reinforcing each other:

• The body stays in a state of activation
• The mind keeps searching for certainty
• The loop continues

This is why overthinking can feel less like a conscious choice and more like a pattern your system is pulled into.

Small Ways to Begin Shifting the Pattern

Rather than trying to stop overthinking entirely, it can be more helpful to begin shifting your relationship to it.

You can approach this from two angles: working with the mind (awareness and interruption) and supporting the nervous system (regulation and grounding).

At the mind level

These approaches help you notice and gently interrupt the thinking pattern:

• Name the pattern or emotion: when you catch looping thoughts or feeling anxious about a situation. Name it. This begins to bring in that awareness.
• Write it out: journaling your thoughts can move them out of your head and make patterns easier to see
• Shift the questions: instead of asking yourself things like “why am I overthinking everything so much?”, try asking “what is my mind trying to solve or protect me from right now?”
• Create a pause: give yourself permission to solve “the problem” at a later time instead of pushing for immediate clarity

At the nervous system level

These approaches help your body settle, which in turn reduces the drive to keep thinking:

• Grounding through the senses: notice 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste.

• Breathing techniques: slow, steady breathing (for example, slightly longer exhales) or box breathing to signal safety and calm to the body

• Physical movement: Dancing, shaking, stretching or going for a walk can help release built up emotions in the body

These strategies help build awareness and gradually interrupt the loop, allowing both your mind and body to settle over time.

How Therapy Can Help You Break the Cycle

Sometimes overthinking becomes a persistent pattern that feels difficult to break, even when you’re trying to be aware of it. In some cases, it can be hard to fully access or understand what’s driving the pattern on your own – especially if certain experiences, emotions, or responses have been pushed aside or are not immediately clear.

That’s when it can be helpful to explore it with support.

Working with a psychologist allows you to understand not just the thoughts themselves, but the deeper patterns driving them based specifically on your unique circumstances. 

In my Coquitlam practice, I use a brain-wise, body-informed approach that integrates:

• Somatic Experiencing (SE) and Self-Regulation Therapy (SRT) to help your body process stored tension and shift out of chronic activation
• Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to work with thought patterns, beliefs, and habitual responses

Rather than only trying to change thoughts, this approach helps your system experience a greater sense of safety and flexibility, which naturally reduces the need to stay in overthinking loops.

I offer therapy in Coquitlam as well as virtual sessions across BC for individuals looking for support with anxiety, overthinking, and related patterns. You can get in touch with me through my contact page here if you would like to explore working together.

Moving Toward a More Grounded Way of Thinking

If you’ve been asking yourself, “why do I overthink everything so much?”, it can be helpful to begin seeing it as a pattern your system has learned and that there are ways to shift out of the pattern.

What often feels like “too much thinking” is usually your mind and body working together to try to create safety, certainty, or control.

When you begin to understand the beliefs driving the pattern, and how your nervous system reinforces it, it becomes easier to step out of the loop with more awareness.

Over time, this can lead to a quieter mind, a more regulated body, and a greater sense of steadiness in how you respond to uncertainty.

Overthinking doesn’t need to control you forever. It’s something that can be understood, supported, and gradually shifted so you can feel more steady and at ease over time.